


Monster

by EozMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Loss, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic Violence, F/M, Gaslighting, HP International Witches Day 2021, House-Elf Abuse (Harry Potter), Implied/Referenced Death in Childbirth, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Miscarriage, Murder, Parent/Child Incest, Threat of torture to a child, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:33:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EozMoon/pseuds/EozMoon
Summary: The moment I laid my eyes upon this man, I felt my breath hold in my chest and my heart pound as if it would burst from excitement. He lifted my hand to his lips, and I could almost taste the power emanating from his very being. And his eyes! Oh, his eyes stole my breath and my heart all in one...
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Voldemort
Kudos: 3
Collections: International Witches Day





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [International_Witches_Day](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/International_Witches_Day) collection. 



> “I do not wish women to have power over men, but over themselves.” –Mary Shelley
> 
> Heya all, this is just a bit of a warning note on this fic. I’ve tried to tag everything but just in case, this fic mentions the following triggers:
> 
> Incest (with hints of underage sex), torture of animals and humans, sex, miscarriage, death and murder, death of children, traumatic scenes childbirth, death in childbirth, domestic abuse and gaslighting, phycological trauma, mentions of rape, threats of torture to children. 
> 
> Some of these, such as incest and rape are only briefly hinted at, and nothing is overly detailed apart from maybe the torture and death in childbirth. This fic shows Bella’s descent into madness and delves into some very dark content, so please approach with caution! Again, nothing is overly graphic or detailed but those subjects are brought up a lot!
> 
> Massive thank you to ElizColl who betad this story, you are awesome! 
> 
> As always I do not own anything, even the story title has been borrowed from MR Arnold

**July 20th** **1968**

I, Bellatrix Black, a daughter of the Noble and Ancient House of Black, find no fault in speaking proudly of my achievements. I received the long-awaited results of my O.W.L.S today; I surpassed even my father’s expectations with my results. My best, of course, being my charm work and dark arts scores, receiving an O in both. These, alongside my letter of recommendation from the duelling club professor, will provide no option but for Headmaster Dumbledore to allow me to take both subjects as N.E.W.T. subjects. With my proud heritage, I do not wish to waste my efforts on household charms or reading tea-leaves; I wish to be the master of my own future. Any subject good enough for a wizard is good enough for me to learn. Father is incredibly proud, even finding it in himself to boast of my achievements to his friends.

**August 27th** **1968**

I will be heading to Hogwarts with my sisters soon, and I think that Father will miss me. He held a dinner in honour of my success tonight and invited one of his friends to join us. This friend introduced himself as Lord Voldemort and told me how he had so been looking forward to making my acquaintance. I have not been one for foolish simpering like others my age, but the moment I laid my eyes upon this man, I felt my breath hold in my chest and my heart pound as if it would burst from excitement. He lifted my hand to his lips, and I could almost taste the power emanating from his very being. And his eyes! Oh, his eyes stole my breath and my heart all in one. I had never met such a handsome and beguiling man.

My Lord talks of politics and purity as if he was a poet, discussing such ideals in a way I felt myself enraptured by his words. His radical political ideas to change the Ministry were ingenious, and I felt myself getting more and more excited as he lectured. Eventually, I got the confidence to join in with my own ideas; he seemed intrigued with my thoughts and laughed heartily, telling my father how such a gem as myself should not have been hidden away from him so long. By the time he left, my Lord had left me giddy as one of the schoolgirls I so often despaired off, but I could not find it in myself to care when he kissed my hand so. I should not have been surprised when Father called me to his room that night.

**September 4th** **1968**

The first days back at Hogwarts were as ordinary as many others that have come and gone, with the exception of dark arts. I am thrilled to have been allowed to take it for my N.E.W.T years, although with my scores it would have been an outrage if Headmaster Dumbledore had not allowed it. I have excelled above all others in my understanding of the dark arts and in the duelling club. 

I am one of only three witches in the class, my good friend Alecto Carrow not gaining high enough grades to join, unfortunately. It was not a surprise that my fellow roommates Hester and Ina did not make the cut, as both are far too interested in wizards to focus properly on their studies. Besides myself, there is only the odd acting Ravenclaw girl, Pandora, I think, and that irritant of a being, Molly Prewett. Not the best pickings for partners, as Pandora acts like she has been sucking the quills of a Billywig half the time, and Prewett addles my mind with her incessant chirping. I cannot tolerate either and found it best to partner with Arthur Weasley, a quiet Gryffindor who is a half-decent duellist and doesn’t question me. He also comes with the added benefit of thoroughly pissing off Prewett whenever I lean too close to him.

Despite all this, the lesson was truly phenomenal due to our newest teacher. This year we have been honoured with the presence of Professor Delphinni Minns, who has published many works on the importance of the dark arts. I have read every one of her books on the subject, practically devouring any text she wrote on curses and such since I was a child. Father highly recommended her works and approved thoroughly of me learning her teachings. She also believes that witches are more than a side piece to wizards, spending most of her younger years providing a proper education to witches that taught them more than household charms and transfiguration. Professor Minns has never married, instead choosing to remain single and bettering herself with her independence. Even Headmaster Dumbledore is humbled before her; I hope to be just like her.

**November 5th** **1968**

I feel like I have been flourishing this year in my studies, particularly in DA. Under the tutelage of Professor Minns, I have been encouraged to enlighten myself with further knowledge of the dark arts; Professor Minns is impressed by my ingenuity and skills. She believes that there are no dark spells, only dark intent. I have read through her latest texts, and I have begun to wonder if it is possible to apply dark spells with good intent in order to produce a better outcome. Some of the darkest of curses, like Unforgivables, provide such raw magic and power that their applications for good could potentially provide stronger spells. If curses such as the killing curse could stop a heart, could it be used to re-start that same heart? Professor Minns seemed to agree that my theories have merit.

**December 23rd** **1968**

My hard work has led me to be invited to my first of Professor Slughorn’s Yule gatherings. I was thrilled to be seen as so worthy of merit for my own skills. I hope that this prestigious invite will open up many doors for me, and I can prove my worth as a Witch without the need for a powerful marriage. I invited Alecto as my date, as she had not received her own invite and did so want to see what all the fuss was about. 

It was an impressive affair, full of promising and established figures. I tried my best to make myself known amongst the more promising Ministry figures. I found most of them excruciatingly tedious to speak to, with the exception of Lord Abraxas Malfoy, who was there alongside his son. I have always found Lucius to be a bit of a bore, nothing more than a primping peacock of a boy; but he is set to marry Cissy one day, and Mother has told me I must play nice. Abraxas broached the subject of the Dark Lord and his radical new ideas, and my interest was piqued. I tried to reel in my interest, as not to seem like a child in my excitement, but I was able to keep up with the conversation well.

Clearly, I had made a good impression as when I arrived home. Father showered me with kisses and affection that he did not normally show in public. He told me how my devotion to Lord Voldemort and his cause had been relayed back to him, and my Lord himself had chosen to grace us with his presence for Christmas supper, all because of me! It is such an honour upon our family, and Father is ecstatic, telling me I was his most prized possession and showering me with high praises, before sending me to his bed. 

**December 25th** **1968**

Christmas was such a delight this year, and my family was in high spirits with the Dark Lord’s company. After dinner, he pulled me aside to pick my brain. I divulged my thoughts on social justice and the Pureblood ideologies that I had been raised upon. I told him how I wished for freedom to learn the darkest of magics without hindrance from the Ministry, and he, in turn, told me his ideas for a radical change in the justice system. I am enamoured with his words and cannot wait to see his ideas come to fruition.

**January 11th** **1969**

After the excitement of Christmas, I was happy to get back to my studies. Particularly DA, since Professor Minns had promised we would be learning Unforgivables after the Yule break. Professor Minns did not disappoint, as we spent the morning learning about all three Unforgivables. 

It was fascinating to watch the power each spell rendered on the toads the Professor used to demonstrate. Especially that of the torture curse; I could almost see the tendrils of magic coursing through the toad’s limbs as it quaked under the power of the spell. If it had not seemed inappropriate, I would have loved to have cast a diagnostic spell upon the toad to see exactly what the curse was doing to its body. I wondered what, exactly, the effects of such stimulation could be. After class I stayed, hoping to catch a moment to discuss my thoughts with Professor Minns. I asked her how exactly I could test the effects such curses have on the body and mind.

I am astutely keen on discovering the key to unlocking the mind and what effects the Cruciatus could have on regaining lost memories. I remember many years ago, my dear Aunt begging for help from my Mother to help her escape her abusive husband. My Mother had developed a plan for her freedom, only for those plans to be thwarted at the last minute by the husband invoking blood magic to hold their baby ransom. The threat of Obliviation and being sent to the Janus Thickey Ward hung heavily over her head, so she made the choice to flee without her baby, hoping that, without her, it would at least be spared the death it would most certainly receive should she stay.

All was for naught, as she was caught, when no one would house a witch daring to leave her marriage. She was indeed Obliviated and thrown into the Janus Thickey Ward for her troubles, and her baby died under mysterious circumstances not long after. My Aunt’s expressionless mask of a face still haunts me to this day.

However, one moment gave me a sense of hope that my Aunt could be saved. My Father once mentioned that, after getting in the way of another patient’s rogue Crucio, my Aunt remembered my Mother’s name. If I could provide a reverse to the magic of Obliviation or the killing curse, no longer could these be used as a threat to witches in order to keep them under control.

**February 25th** **1969**

Professor Minns has offered to teach me Occlumency, and I could not be more excited. She told me I have an impressive affinity for the dark arts and a natural talent for mind magic. My lessons have flown by with much development, and cannot wait to show my Lord.

**March 3rd** **1969**

My lessons have continued in Occlumency with great triumph. I have written to the Dark Lord detailing my success, and he is most pleased with my accomplishments. He, in kind, shares his ideals on politics, a subject I have been taught well by my father, and I do not fail to delight him with our correspondence regarding such topics.

Now that I am close to mastering Occlumency, I have also turned my hand to runes, and I took on an extra credit assignment in magical history about the banking system. I hope to gather all the knowledge I need so as to run my own household, if necessary. Professor Minns strongly feels that the best way to improve a witch’s lot in life is to fully educate herself in the ways of the world. If we are able to gain a well-rounded education, then we can achieve true independence from wizards. She told me how, in her younger years, she dedicated her time to running a school for witches who were unable to attend Hogwarts, allowing them to be educated in more than just the household charms they would have been taught at home.

I told her that I long for true independence and wish to live my life freely. I fear for my future, as I am set to marry a man called Thaddeus Nott, a wizard who is as old as my parents and has no interest in a wife for more than just a cauldron in which to brew heirs. I do not wish to be in such a marriage and want to marry someone who is much more susceptible to manipulation, so I can at least have control of him and my own life. I have spent my entire life as the property of my father and subject to his whims, which have sometimes been tortuous in their natures. Despite my love for him, my father has become my gaoler, and I do not wish to make the move from being one man’s property to another's.

Professor Minns laughed and told me, “Bella, my child, do not wish women to have power over men, but over themselves.”1

Her words stay with me, running through my mind late into the night as I settle myself for sleep. I know she is right, for witches are far more powerful when they hold their power over themselves rather than others.

**March 30th** **1969**

I had the most peculiar of discussions with Andy today. Not known for her outspoken views on much of anything, Andy dared to question our traditions of marriage within Sacred Twenty-eight members. Our Crup bitch has birthed a litter of pups, most of which are perfectly fine, but one was born malformed. Despite our parents’ best protests, Andy took pity on the pup, and I found her this afternoon attempting to feed the wretched thing. Its own mother had given up trying to sustain it, but for reasons unknown to myself, Andy took it upon herself to save it.

When I found her, Andy was looking at the deformed pup with something akin to pity in her doe eyes. “The mother bred with her own son, and that’s what caused such an abomination,” she informed me. “Don’t you see, Bella, such things are caused by too much inbreeding. Fresh blood is needed to dilute the gene pool, else blood disorders become problematic. See what happened to the Greengrass family. They married cousin after cousin, and now they’re rife with blood curses and infertility. This … incestuous practice of marrying third and second cousins is problematic!” 

I could not help but flinch at her choice of words. 

She continued, “If Father insists we marry someone who is practically family, what will become of future generations? Will we produce offspring like this Crup?”

I could only offer a bored shrug. Andy was always one to spring into such matters and wheedle in some political agenda or other into the conversation. 

Andy simply rolled her eyes at me and continued with her droll narrative. “We need to start branching out into other families. Ones like the Shacklebolts or the McKinnons, Half-bloods or Muggleborns. Evidence shows much more powerful magics can be produced by diversifying the blood lines…”

“You know not what you are talking about!” I hissed at her, cutting off her words. “We are part of the Sacred Twenty-eight, and it is an honour to be of such pure and noble blood! Toujours Pur! Remember, sister!” I prodded the miserable pup sharply with my wand, annoyed that the runt had led to such a discussion. “This abhorrent misfortune came about due to bad breeding. There is no need for your misguided speeches on muddying our pure waters.”

I could see Andy’s jaw clenching as she ground her teeth, but I was done with the conversation. Andy looked grim but remained silent, pulling at blades of grass, ripping each blade with a roughness that could only suggest she wished to say more on the matter. I was bored with all of her ridiculous ideas. I dismissed her, and after only two attempts, I produced a killing curse fit enough to dismiss the pathetic Crup runt.

Later in the day, Andy caught me alone again and broached the topic I knew she really meant to discuss. “I know what Father is doing, and it’s not right Bella,” she whispered to me, worrying her lip as she looked around like a skittish animal. 

I snarled at her words and told her she did not know what she was talking about; she would never understand. There is nothing wrong with expressing affection freely, and, besides, if it had not been me, he would have just turned to her or Cissy, and I… I could not have let that happen to my dearest of sisters.

**May 1st** **1969**

The Dark Lord continues to keep me as a treasured correspondent, choosing to write to me almost weekly now. He is most interested in my lessons and is happy for me to write about my extra lessons and considerable self-improvement. He is most pleased with my initiative to better myself. I speak of what Professor Minns has taught me, and he too has heard all about her, and also holds her in high regard. My heart skips a beat at the long parchment aglow with his praise of me.

**June 2nd** **1969**

I stayed back after class today to speak with Professor Minns. Dumbledore has announced that she will be leaving us after only one year, due to ill health, and I am devastated to lose her as a teacher. She has taught me so much, broadening my learning even more so than the Dark Lord this past year, and I am not ready to withdraw from her teaching. Professor Minns fondly smiles at me and, to my relief, tells me it was a pleasure to teach a mind such as mine and that she would be most pleased to write to me regularly. I am elated at her promise.

**July 5th** **1969**

The Dark Lord writes to me, talking of a reformed Ministry, one where Purebloods are held as the highest of magical beings, and where witches are regarded for their magical power rather than their sex. No more of this muggle patriarchal model of society, but rather one more like the covens of old. The American Ministry avoids muggle interaction at all cost, and they even have a witch for the head of M.A.C.U.S.A.!

My Lord’s political ideals may be perceived by some as radical, but to me they are inspired. A hierarchy of magical beings would see Mudbloods and Half-breeds as lower than us, lesser breeds to our superior blood. I find this idea most intriguing, as it provides me the possibility of using sub-human species for my experiments. If I practice my theories on the Cruciatus curseon lesser breeds like Mudbloods, maybe I could find a way to stimulate the receptors that fuel the magical core. This would be most useful in fixing the problem of Squibs. If one died, could I reawaken the heart? Would it release the magic hidden inside a Squib? Could it halt a werewolf’s transformation, or release it at will? The possibilities are endless once silly things such as ethics are no longer applicable.

**August 12th** **1960**

The garden gnomes have proved most useful for developing my Unforgivables. I have been focusing more on my Cruciatus curse, after perfecting my Imperio and killing curses. I have studied all of Da Vinci's works on anatomy, even though he was a blood-traitor. Unfortunately, no other has come close to writing the materials I need, and needs must. I have to admit, it is exciting to see the nasty little creatures twitch with pain as the curse runs through their nerve endings. I’ve taught them simple tasks through the use of Imperio, then Obliviated them. After several attempts with the Cruciatus, I was able to make one of them remember what I took away. It won’t stop twitching, but overall it was a complete success.

**August 27th** **1969**

Andy has told Mother about my experiments on the garden gnomes, and Mother has forbidden any further use of Unforgivables. Apparently, it is unbecoming of a young woman to perform such spells. Priggish twit.

**October 9th** **1969**

Mother writes to me to remind me of my upcoming betrothal to Thaddeus Nott. Once again, I am despairing of the reminder of my family duty to marry such a man. In my next letter to my Lord, I mention my displeasure of such a match, and he writes back telling me not to fret. He promises me that he would not allow such a marriage, which would prevent him from being with me, to go ahead.

**November 1st** **1969**

Oh, I could cry from relief! Mother has written to tell me that I am no longer to marry Thaddeus, that the Dark Lord himself has insisted on Thaddeus Nott being married to another, and I am to remain as his Lord’s loyal servant! I am most pleased with this news!

  
**December 18th** **1969**

I chose to stay back after the meal, wishing to discuss my theories with Professor Slughorn, as I found him the easiest to coerce into such discussions. I told him about my ideas of what the Cruciatus curse could provide with adjustments. The torture curse is thus called because of the excruciating pain it causes through the overstimulation of the nerves. But what if this overstimulation could be used for good? By overloading the nerve endings, could we overcome the loss of memories from an Obliviation or a hex? Or overcome the killing curse and restart a heart? Of course, the patient would still unfortunately go through the pain, but the results could be outstanding. 

It was no surprise that Slughorn was impressed by my theories, and he suggested some books I could look at, although he was reluctant to give me a pass to the restricted section. He jokingly added, “Of course this is all theoretical; it would be vastly unethical to perform such experiments, Miss Black.” Of course, I very much doubt anyone in the Wizenamot would ever let me perform such advanced magics; they see only the darkness in these curses and forfeit any good that may come from them.

**December 31st** **1969**

A party was held in honour of the new year and Lord Voldemort’s birthday at Malfoy Manor, and, of course, an invite was extended to myself and my family. I chose to bring Alecto as my plus one, as she is the most tolerable of my peers, and she too supports Lord Voldemort’s new political agenda, so I know she will not embarrass me. We chose to leave Andy at school this winter, due to her increasingly concerning bout of rebellion. I do so hope she grows out of it before she embarrasses our family further; it will not do for procuring a decent husband for herself and Cissy. Thankfully I am free of my obligation to marry Thaddeus Nott now that my Lord has found him a new wife. For the moment, I am free from any ties, as Father has yet to suggest any other marriage prospects; this suits me just fine, for my heart belongs wholly to the Dark Lord.

Once the dinner part of the evening had finished, to my utter delight the Dark Lord came to find me, beckoning me for a private audience. Under the not-so-observant watch of Alecto, my Lord took me away from the party for a stroll around the vast gardens of the Malfoy estate. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure he could read my nerves, even without the use of Legilimency. He turned to me as we strolled, and oh, my heart nearly froze when he told me I had ensnared his mind and body with my power and wit, that he had never been so in want of a woman as he had with me.

I could barely keep my wits about me as he told me so. But then he kissed me! He pressed me hard against the stone wall, grasping at my skirts as he wrapped my legs around him. My breath caught with my fledgling desire, for I had never felt so wanton as I did at that moment. The feel of his hardness against me sent a pulsing to my core that has still yet to waver.

He asked me to meet him again, alone if possible, and I can scarcely wait.

**February 8th** **1970**

My Lord requested my acquaintance once again today. Thankfully, it was a Hogsmeade weekend, and I was able to procure Cissy and Lucius to chauffer. Cissy, being only fourteen, was oblivious to the true nature of our intentions, but she was eager to spend time with her future betrothed. Although being nearly eighteen now, Lucius doesn’t appear to reciprocate her interest currently. However, he does seem to hold her in high enough regard to be happy to spend time getting to know her better.

Once we reached our chosen destination and managed to escape the watchful eyes of our escorts, my Lord pounced on me with great fever. He pulled at my robes with furious enthusiasm, kissing me and suckling on my exposed skin until I mewed in pleasure.

**April 19th** **1970**

He charmed my womanhood with his fingers, bringing me to higher realms of magic than I had ever thought existed. Then he taught me how to reciprocate in kind with my mouth. I love the power I wielded over him through such an act. Before I could bring him to his completion though, he pulled away and kissed me forcefully, lifting my skirts up around me in such speed, my petticoat tore. He took me against the wall with such passion, I bit through his lip to muffle my moans of pleasure, so as not to alert our chaperones. I was lost as his dark eyes looked deep into my soul, his fingers desperately holding my jaw still as his eyes bore into me. I had never known such pleasures could be found between a man and woman, my own crashing over me in waves of magic, before my Lord pulled out and found his with a violent shudder and covered my thigh with his essence.

He cares not about my lack of virtue, confessing he knows all about my history. That, despite my proficiency for natural Occlumency, my Father is not so inclined, therefore alerting my Lord from the start. He tells me he has no care for such virtues, which are only a construct based on the institution of marriage, one in which he has no belief. Marriage is only important to the patriarchal society that constricts witches to be dependent wholly on wizards. A witch like myself has no need for restrictive bounds, nor does a wizard such as he to enjoy pleasures of the flesh. My Lord confesses that he has been with many lovers in his life, both male and female, and does not judge me for my past now that I am his. He tells me how he truly believes in the freedom to express acts of love in any way we desire, and I could only nod in agreement. I feel undeserving of such a wizard, yet I feel as if I have found the other half to my soul.

**June 7th** **1970**

It is nearing the end of our school year, and the students are all of a flutter for the upcoming dance. Hester and Ina have taken over the dorm with their beauty preparations, adamant that this is their chance to catch a suitable husband. Merlin knows why, when the only suitable Pureblood heirs in our year are Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Alecto’s brother. Malfoy is betrothed to marry Cissy anyway, and she has a heart so set on the match that I would destroy anyone who dared get in the way of my sister’s happiness. Alecto and I remained studying, minding our own business, while they primped themselves. They were unsatisfied with our behaviour, though, and decided to call us out on it, demanding to know why we weren’t preparing ourselves for the male population. I stated firmly that I have no need to doll myself up, because I have no interest in catching a husband. I have worked hard and am sure to score exceptionally well on my N.E.W.T.S. and wish to pursue higher education, which a husband would get in the way of. I have no need of a wizard and his name to further myself; I am a daughter of the Noble and Ancient House of Black, and I will make my own name in this world. Alecto agreed with me, as I know she also has no want of a husband. The way that Hester and Ina reacted, you would think I had skinned their kneazles right in front of them.

“But you must find a husband!” Hester had shrieked in horror, as if it was such a scandalous thing. It is not; after all, Professor Minns has never married and is renowned for her skills in DA! Why could I not remain single and focus on my magic? Why should any woman settle for being tied into a marriage contract, when she could enlighten the world if she so wished? Ina huffed and had the audacity to suggest I only felt that way because I had lost my contract with Thaddeus Nott, and have no replacement contract on the horizon. This, coming from the girl who has set her sights on marrying Crabbe, who has all the looks and charm of the offspring of molding mimbulus mimbletonia and a mountain troll.

**July 1st** **1970**

Now I am to graduate from Hogwarts, the Dark Lord has spoken of taking me away with him on his travels around Europe. He says my wit and intelligence will be a great asset in gaining further support for his political revolution. Austria is to be his first destination, due to their previous ties to Grindelwald and their affinity for the dark arts. They also have a strong preference for blood purity. Afterward, The Dark Lord has an important matter to attend to in Albania. I admit, I am most excited to visit Austria due to their liberal practices of the dark arts. Had I been a wizard, Father would have gladly let me attend Drumstrang, given my natural aptitude for the dark arts. Unfortunately, he still forbids me to pursue my plans to travel with the Dark Lord, even with Alecto’s offer to chaperone. Her brother Amycus will be joining us later in our travels, but Father is still not in agreement. Merlin knows why, as he is fully aware I have no virtue of which to steal.

**August 17th** **1970**

My Hogwarts days are now behind me, and I find myself somewhat at a loss of what to do. Professor Minns, who insists that I call her Delphinni now she is no longer my professor, writes to me. She offers me encouragement to further my education, alongside a collection of books I found most useful. I have told her about my plans to travel, and she congratulated me on the exciting news, telling me that Austria will be most educational. I have also received a very exciting letter from my Lord, who has promised to come to visit me soon to discuss his plans for me. Hopefully, he will let me have the honour of receiving his mark now I have left school!

For now though, I am stuck within the dull confinements of my parents’ home, and find myself incredibly bored as they throw a dinner to mark the occasion of my graduation. My only company is Cissy, who prattles on so, as Andy has stowed herself away talking in suspiciously hushed whispers with our younger cousin Sirius. Sirius has had the misfortune to be sorted into Gryffindor, of all places, and I dread to think what sort of influence he may have on Andy’s current rebellious streak.

**September 7th** **1970**

With Father still refusing to let me travel with my Lord, I took it upon myself to leave on my own accord. In the dead of night, once I knew he had imbibed in heavy drinking, I packed my bags and apparated away to mine and Alecto’s chosen meeting place. My Lord met us at our next apparation point, where he was waiting with an international portkey to spirit us away to France, our first stop. I must admit, it was truly exhilarating to leave on such a daring whim!

**September 10th** **1970**

Received a Howler from Mother while staying over in Germany, she is not best pleased. My Lord simply Incendioed the missive with a roll of his eye.

**September 17th** **1970**

As an act of love to myself, my Lord Floo-called my parents later that evening and, with a quiet argument of persuasion, gave my Father no choice but to concede to our plans. Mother seems halfway between scandalized and ecstatic to be rid of me, since she has always found me nothing more than a trouble. Can they not see me for the asset I am? I alone have secured our allegiance to the greatest wizard of our time, with nothing but the help of my own wit and intelligence!

**November 13th 1970**

I have received the most prestigious honour today, as my Lord has given me his mark. The ritual itself was excruciatingly painful, yet I held strong, not even displaying so much as a whimper as I showed my gratitude for receiving such a gift. Once my Lord had completed his task, he was left in a frenzy of passion, the act of marking me as his bringing him to a state of arousal I have not seen before. He vanished our clothing in his haste to have me, crashing his lips to mine and taking me so hard against the desk, the wood rattled noisily to the rhythm of his thrusts. I could not hold back my cries of pleasure, despite knowing Alecto was only in the next room, but I could scarcely care at that moment. My Lord was overcome with his want of me, leaving deep marks with his teeth over my neck and chest that I cannot help but admire lovingly in the mirror as I dress. The sight of me laid out before him covered in his teeth marks and his brand brought him to his end with a growl so quickly, he could not stop himself from emptying himself within me. We spent the night in each other's arms, until my Lord was too spent to do more than run his hands through my curls. I had never know such a divine and rapturous2 moment as I had that night.

**December 3rd** **1970**

Our trip to Austria was most promising. The Dark Lord met with a wizard called Igor Karkaroff, who is the new headmaster of Drumstrang. He, too, has taken the Dark Lord’s mark and has discussed many new plans with us to reform the curriculum at the school to include Pureblood ideals and further dark arts. I am excited to confirm that my Lord and I have got him to agree to include the enrollment of Pureblood witches in the school as well. Our plans are coming to fruition, and I can only hope we are as successful in England as we are here.

**December 23rd** **1970**

My menses are late this month, and I am finding myself quick to fatigue. I have yet to say anything to my Lord, but I believe that I could indeed be with child. This is, of course, a most exciting development, to provide the Dark Lord with an heir. Alecto may simper all she wants, but this is undeniable proof that I am his most favourite, his most loyal. For I am to bear his child as well as his mark, and she has nothing.

**January 12th** **1971**

It is true. I am indeed with child, and my Lord is most pleased. He has made sure I am well provided for and have access to only the best care. With the help of Alecto, he has elected to meet with a potential sponsor for our cause. They also will be stopping to meet with Amycus on the way and returning with him, too.

My Lord has insisted I stay safe at our lodgings, as I am still out of sorts with my pregnancy and not fit to Portkey. He is most thoughtful, providing me with new texts to entertain myself and even procuring me a Floo connection so as to converse with my sisters and Delphinni while they are both gone.

**February 1st** **1971**

Alecto, the traitorous wench, returned arm in arm with my Lord in all of a twitter, despite the presence of her brother. She, too, has taken the Dark Mark, alongside Amycus, during their excursion away. I felt nauseated as my Lord allowed her to press kisses upon his neck. I huffed my annoyance, and my Lord pulled me close, tossing Alecto aside. He smiled at me and said, “Now, now, my dearest Bella, you told me you believed one should be free to express love in any way they so wish. If Alecto wishes to express her love for me in such ways, or more, should she not be free to do so? And I to return in kind to show her my appreciation?”

I had no choice but to comply, as I saw the hungry gaze in his eyes as he looked over Alecto’s form. I felt him pressed against me, hard and wanting. With a lazy kiss, he dismissed me and Amycus to our rooms and followed Alecto to hers. I spent the night blasting curses at the spiders adorning the corners of my room to distract myself from Alecto’s moans. I hope she chokes to death on his cock.

**March 3rd** **1971**

My Lord continued to teach me the pleasures of the human body. And oh, what pleasures he taught me! My thighs quaked, gripping his sharp cheekbones tightly as he feasted upon me with his lips and tongue. He brought me to the heights of magic over and over before pulling me onto all fours and fucking me hard and fast. I made sure to wake Alecto with my screams. The Dark Lord may come to play with you from time to time, but he is _mine._

**April 15th** **1971**

We arrived within Albania with little issue, and my Lord and Amycus left to pay a visit, leaving me alone with Alecto. I am not sure I care much for her company any more. She appears duller day by day, and her wit is sluggish at best. 

**May 30th** **1971**

We returned from our travels with all the welcome of a Squib. Mother was unimpressed with my return and gave me a stern lecture on how travelling with a man I was not married to, was unfitting of a lady of my stature. She did not seem to care that it was with the Dark Lord himself! She tells me I must do my duty and marry into a suitable Pureblood family, but why should I need to be married to fulfil my duty? Have I not bestowed a great honour upon our family by my close allegiance to the Dark Lord alone?

My magics are powerful enough, and my abilities are widely spoken of. I am more than capable of procuring my own destiny; I am, after all, a daughter of the Ancient and Noble House of Black. By virtue of my pure blood alone, I am ranked higher than most of the wizards that pollute our Wizenamot. Let Andy and Cissy secure suitable marriages, if they so wish, but I will not. The Dark Lord sees my potential and has set me above all others. I was the first woman to bear his mark, which ranks me higher than even Uncle Orion, who has fallen out of favour due to his wayward son. But of course, Mother does not see that, only the scandal that her pathetic gentle-witches will gossip about over tea and charms.

Even Father, who usually is so forthcoming with praise for me, was cold and aloof upon our return. He did not greet me with kisses as he usually would do so, and his greeting of my Lord was curt and unbefitting of such a great wizard. He remained this way, silently brooding over dinner, until I made my fortuitous announcement that I was carrying the Dark Lord’s heir. Father erupted furiously at our announcement, seemingly enraged by the very undeniable proof of my intimacies with another man. Foolishly, Father pointed his wand at my Lord, cursing a long streak of terrible words. He demanded answers for the Dark Lord’s wilful use of my person, after the generous support and patronage he has provided him. Father didn’t stop his ridiculous tantrum until the Dark Lord cast the Cruciatus curse over and over on him until he was foaming at the mouth. I could not help but stare in wonderment at how his limbs convulsed in response to the curse.

**June 2nd** **971**

My Lord has moved our stay to the home of one of his most trustworthy servants, Rafael Lestrange, now that my pregnancy is advancing. Those that do not agree with my Lord’s ideas are causing trouble of late, and my Lord has decided to keep me safe as he travels to Bulgaria with Alecto and Amycus to garner more support, while Abraxas deals with the ministry.

Rafael was one of my Lord’s original followers, alongside Abraxas Malfoy, and struggles against his very archaic mindset. He seems to be torn between the horror of being around an unmarried woman in my condition and the honour of hosting the Dark Lord’s chosen one and heir. I have found my care mostly being passed to the house elves and his eldest son Rodolphus, who was a few years ahead of me at school.

Rodolphus himself has been a formidable host and, dare I say, even a decent companion. Jealousy still gnaws at my insides at the thought of Alecto travelling with my Lord; I can only hope that the presence of her brother is as off-putting as it should be. If not, I may have no choice but to carve my displeasure into her boorish face. 

Soon, my beloved Cissy will be coming to visit me, now that her betrothal to the Malfoy heir is set in stone and she no longer needs to worry about Father’s interference. Abraxas Malfoy is one of the Dark Lord’s staunchest followers and is more than honoured to align his family with the family of Voldemort’s most loved. Such a match should open up many pathways to Cissy, and I can help her become as powerful as I am.

**June 13th 1971**

My little boy is here! Although I was initially afraid, as he was coming a month early, he arrived safe and sound! My labour was long and tortuous, but Cissy and the Medi-witch stayed by my side throughout. My Lord, who truly loves me before all others, arrived in time to hold his newborn son. A true heir of Lord Voldemort, and he is truly proud of his son. We have named him Marvolo Salazar Riddle, and, despite his small size, he is perfection.

**June 20th 1971**

I could watch Marvolo all day. His small pouting lips make the sweetest cooing sounds, and his fingers clasp mine so delicately. I have never known anything so perfect. My Lord visits us often, mesmerized by our tiny son. He kisses my head and whispers how proud he is of me as he rocks Marvolo to sleep. There is no greater happiness than how I feel right now.

**July 24th** **1971**

My Beloved Marvolo is gone! All was well when I put him to bed, but when I stirred to check on him in the small hours of the morning, I found his body cold and grey, and I knew he must have been lost at some point in the night. My heart is broken beyond repair.

**November 26th** **1971**

It has been so long since I last wrote, yet I can scarcely believe my baby is gone. I mourn for his soft little lips and dark curls. Oh, to hold him once more. My Lord is also grieving at the loss of his heir, but I feel myself falling into a darkness I can not shift. Maybe the Black madness has touched me now. I can not help but feel that I am somewhat at fault. I witnessed enough losses from my mother during my younger years to know that it is a burden many Pureblood women carry. Pregnancy and childbirth take such a toll on our bodies, it is a wonder that there is no spell to prevent conception. Without the possibility of pregnancy, we witches would be free to continue our lives as fearlessly as wizards. But then I would not have held my Marvolo; and I would endure it all again for the sound of his soft breaths against my breast. I swear I can hear them still now. My breast still feels heavy with his milk. If I close my eyes, maybe he will be there when I open them once more.

**December 19th** **1971**

Merlin, help me, I can still hear his cries at night, even from my Lord’s bed.

**January 21st 1972**

I have joyful news, I am with child once more! The Dark Lord is most pleased that I am so keen to further our pure bloodlines. Of course, I am most keen on the pleasures we find in creating heirs more so, but I am, as always, his most faithful servant. Unfortunately, with the announcement of my newest pregnancy comes more urgent demands from Father that I should marry, lest I cause more scandal. I have resisted furiously, for I do not wish to marry and become nothing more than a broodmare and a wife. I want to continue learning and developing my magic! 

This time my Lord, however, was unimpressed by my protests and lashed out in a way that I had not seen since my Father’s fallout the previous year. The Dark Lord held his hand around my windpipe in a far more menacing way than the times he had pressed his fingers against my throat during a moment of passion. He hissed that I must do as he tells me, for he has no use of a woman too shaded in scandal to rise above those of inferior bloodlines. He insists I marry a wizard of his choosing: Rodolphus Lestrange of all men, and I am less than impressed! I told him that I wished only to marry him, not Rodolphus, that I wanted to take his family name, not Lestrange.

He simply laughed at me, and told me he had no family name to take, and the great name of Lord Voldemort could not be lowered by being bestowed on another. He wished for me to align myself to the house of Lestrange and to garner their allegiance to him forever more. I am the Queen in his game of chess, and he needs me to secure the knights to support his role as King. I promised him I would do anything to serve him as his most beloved follower. I suppose, being a Lestrange, I will have the ability to hold myself higher than I did before and have the freedom provided by my proxy marriage to move freely within this patriarchal society. It is, after all, only until my Lord has taken power and created a world that values the rights and voices of witches as much as wizards. Rodolphus won’t be such a bad husband, upon reflection; at least we have our desire to fuck our Dark Lord in common.

**March 6th** **1972**

My wedding to Rodolphus was an uneventful one, held within the grounds of the Lestrange manor. We recited our vows surrounded by all the appropriate socialites that Mother deemed necessary to attend: a list of invitees that, of course, had been approved and vetted by the Dark Lord, based on their political stance. The only good that came of the whole affair was Cissy’s delight in being my Witch of Honour. She, of course, will be marrying Lucius next year, and I will have to reciprocate and endure whatever robe she picks for the occasion. Probably something in the exact shade of her priggish peacock’s eye colour. But I suppose it will be nice to see my baby sister finally marrying the wizard she has half been in love with since she was still in pig-tails.

After all the fuss and pomp was over, my Lord took me to bed and tore off my wedding robes, tutting at the frivolity of the white lace garment. He took great pleasure in taking in the sight of my nakedness, the curves of my hips and breasts, and in particular the swell of my stomach announcing the presence of another heir. His hands brushed over me, stopping momentarily at my stomach, smiling at me before pressing his arousal against me. I could barely hold back my shivers of desire as he closed his fingers around my neck and grazed his teeth over my pulse point. He took it upon himself to fuck me hard throughout the night with relentless passion, leaving bruises and bite marks all over my neck and décolletage. He made sure to pay special attention to my dark mark as I screamed out his name. I may carry Rodolphus’ surname, but he made it abundantly clear whom I really belonged to. Even though I am only a witch, I am second only to the greatest wizard of all time.

**April 30th** **1972**

Mother has written to inform me that Andromeda has committed a most heinous crime and run away to marry a filthy Mudblood. She has been stricken from the family tapestry and is never to be spoken of again. I pleaded with my Lord for forgiveness for myself and Cissy, promising him we are nothing like our wayward sister, and, after much convincing, we have been forgiven. I hope this selfish act will not hinder Cissy’s betrothal in any way.

My heart breaks with the betrayal of she who must not be named.

**June 1st** **1972**

I have received news that my dearest Delphinni has passed away. My heart is torn to pieces with the loss of another loved one. Her lawyers have written to me, informing me that since she has no next of kin, she has chosen me to inherit her estate. I am in awe of her generosity, as she has left me with ancient texts of priceless knowledge and mountains of galleons I have no idea of what to do with now that I am a Lestrange.

**July 17th** **1972**

To my utmost relief, and slight concern, Andy visited me today. Oh, how I had missed her so, and despite my reservations at hosting a traitor, I offered her refreshments, calling upon the elves to provide me with some.

I told her all about my pregnancy and recent achievements, full of excitement after having thought to have lost her company for good. I even confessed my hopes to help others with Delphinni’s legacy. Andy, ever the argumentative sort, snorted derisively at me.

“Are you really happy in all that you have achieved here Bella?” she quipped, setting my teeth on edge with her dismissive tone. Before I could reply, the house-elf returned with only one serving of tea. I was aghast at the elf’s brazen show of defiance. Even if Andy is banished from the family, she was still my guest.

“Can you not see I have a guest?” I screeched in anger at the insipid creature, who only blinked dumbly between me and Andy’s chair. “Fetch a second cup, lest you embarrass me in front of my visitor. How dare you purposely defy my orders!” I sent it away with a stinging hex to emphasise my point, and it hurried off to fetch a second cup for Andy.

“Was that really necessary?” Andy asked with a raised eyebrow. The elf promptly returned with a second cup and hurried itself away. “Yes,” I sneered at her, before changing the subject. I later noticed, after all my efforts on her behalf, Andy had not touched her tea.

**August 9th 1972**

I was interrupted during an important meeting with the start of my labour pains. I kept a stoic face as I held on, not wanting to interrupt my Lord. However, he must have noticed my discomfort and called an end to the meeting early. He came to me, asking if it was time, and when I nodded, he urgently barked out orders for Rodolphus to floo call the Medi-witch and my mother.

I did not labour for much longer after this, and by that evening, I had birthed our perfect daughter. Her tiny head was crowned with a messy array of dark curls, so like her brother’s, my heart could barely beat with all the love I held for her. My eyes filled with tears as I held my precious babe close, her tiny lips pursing as she rooted against my chest.

My mother, being allowed to be with me this time round, busied herself around us, fussing unnecessarily. I was partially aware of her offering me words of praise, but I was lost within the gaze of my child. My Lord came to us the moment I was healed, so eager was he to see his heir. He cradled her tenderly, proudly announcing her name to be Merope Morgana Riddle. The slightest touch of disappointment went through me, as I had hoped to name her Delphinni, after my beloved mentor. However, My Lord promised our next daughter would be called Delphinni.

Sleep evaded me as I watched my beautiful Merope slumber against my chest, so in awe I was of her. In the late hours in the night, Delphinni appeared with Marvolo to visit us, offering me the comfort my mother could not provide. Marvolo lovingly stroked mine and his sister’s cheeks; only then was I able to rest in peace.

**September 29th** **1972**

I have been practising my Unforgivables upon the garden gnomes that litter the grounds at Lestrange Manor. I suspect Alecto has taken to my Lord’s bed once again while I am to remain home with Merope, so I have been in need of a vent for my frustrations. Rodolphus is a decent enough companion and has taught me many new things regarding the management of the Lestrange estate. He has even taken on the mantle of stepfather quite well, but he does so bore me.

So as my dear, sweet Merope naps beside me in her perambulator, I practice hard on the gnomes, trying to discover whether the Cruciatus can reanimate the heart after death. So far I have had little success, but I am determined. My eyes are tired with my extended use of the curse when Delphinni visits me. She soothes my hair from my face in comfort and tells me sweet words of encouragement. Delphinni understands my frustrations and offers me advice. I take her words to heart, and I straighten myself and hold my chin high. I remind myself that I am a daughter of the Noble and Ancient House of Black, and I am in control of my own destiny. She has provided me with the means and the education to become independent within my own life.

A small cry signalled that Merope was beginning to stir, so I turned to pick her up, cooing words of love to my beautiful babe. By the time I turned back, Delphinni had gone.

**November 4th** **1972**

My Lord has returned from his latest political campaign and was full of high spirits when he greeted me and Merope. Ever the delightful child, Merope giggled happily to see her father, and my Lord was very proud when she displayed a powerful show of involuntary magic over the dinner table. He has grand plans for his heir when she is older, and I know she will be a true asset to him. She already shows an affinity for Parseltongue, communicating a few whispers with my Lord, and it is beautiful to see them bonding so. After little persuasion, My Lord helped me put our daughter to bed, even embarking on reading her a selection of texts by Salazar Slytherin.

The moment we wished Merope goodnight, my Lord dragged me to his bed with an eagerness from our earlier years I had missed. He took me with a vigorous passion that made me scream loud enough to wake the dead, whispering in my ear how he longed to see me swell with his heir once more. His hand closed around my throat as he hissed his completion. Oh, how I hope we have conceived of another heir tonight.

**December 25th 1972**

I took the liberty of hosting my Lord and my family at Lestrange Manor for Christmas. Merope was received with much fuss, finding much amusement with her Aunt and even her Grandmother. My Lord spoiled her with the best gifts and showered me with expensive jewels worthy of my value to him, and I could not be more content.

A shiver ran down my spine as Father praised Merope on her beauty and spirit, telling us all how she reminds him of myself. I found myself volunteering to organise refreshments later that evening. I pulled out my stocks of poisons, and before I could talk myself out of it, found myself adding two drops of Gu3 mixture to Father’s goblet.

**January 7th 1973**

Mother writes to me to inform me that Father has passed away and sends a request for my assistance in the matters of sorting his estate. I go to help, but I find myself unable to care for her loss.

Later at night, I find time to grieve for my own loss, for there was a time when I had loved my father so.

**March 26th 1973**

My Lord’s radical politics appears to not be to everyone’s tastes, as news of a resistance group has circulated. The opposition, a group who call themselves “The Order of the Phoenix,” have begun to grow in numbers and support, causing an array of problems for us. The Dark Lord is furious with their attempts to thwart his missions and has been reduced to hiding in the shadows while he rethinks his strategies. Lucius and Yaxley have provided him with some success with their strategising abilities and Ministry influences, but it has not been fast enough to calm my Lord’s frustrations with the Order. 

**August 9th1973**

The manor came alive today in celebration of Merope’s first birthday. My Lord, ever the proud father, showed her off triumphantly to all our guests, boasting of her many achievements in the past year. His most loyal followers came bearing the most expensive gifts and grand gestures in honour of Merope. Lucius and Cissy brought the latest model of training broom, a gift no doubt influenced by Lucius. Merope seemed in awe as she rode slowly around the garden, surrounded by her father’s protective enchantments.

My Lord bestowed upon her the most beautiful gift of an enchanted orb that hissed Parseltongue and fascinated Merope greatly. I had racked my brains for weeks in my attempts to find a meaningful gift, but was only able to provide a doll I had charmed myself in Merope’s likeness that sung soft lullabies to her.

Merope was full of childish delight at all the excitement created just for her, and remained so right until I carried her to bed. I wished her goodnight and read her her favourite fairytale. I could barely tear myself away from her, stalling for time as I stroked her dark curls and sang a lullaby to soothe her to sleep. My soul calmed at the sight of her contented smile as she clutched her new doll tightly in her arms.

After the guests left, my Lord came to my room, drunk on power and wine and proceeded to take me with such a vigorous passion I was glad of the silencing charms around my room, else I’m sure we would have woken the household. He ravished me long into the night with his hands, tongue, and cock in ways he had not done since we first courted.

**September 29th** **1973**

Again the Order have been causing more problems for my Lord with their rebellions against his new changes. They continue to ardently resist the ideas he wishes to invoke, citing them as too radical. The Dark Lord implores that his Death Eaters become less lenient in their means of implementing his changes. I am making use of myself by planning strategies and scouring through Ministerial papers in order to attack them from within their own system. Unfortunately for us, they are headed by the meddlesome Dumbledore, who has been a thorn in my Lord’s side since his childhood. I do so hope the bumbling idiot meets an unfortunate end soon enough.

**December 31st** **1973**

This year Abraxas was chosen to host the festivities for my Lord’s birthday. It was a lavishly opulent affair, with all of my Lord’s closest Death Eaters in attendance. Normally I do not care for such things, but I could not have been more happy as my Lord showed off myself and Merope, full of pride for his family. He toasted our success of producing such a worthy heir, and of Merope’s delightful nature. After Merope was taken to bed, he could hardly be stopped in his enthusiasm for me, pulling me aside to take me against the wall within earshot of the festivities. He bit my lip hard as he muffled our moans, his tongue darting over my lip to lick clean the blood he spilled.

**January 6th** **1974**

My Lord has received news that Abraxas Malfoy has caught Dragon Pox, news which is most distressing as we were all at Malfoy Manor for the New Year, and it is highly contagious.

**January 20th** **1974**

Rafael appears to have caught Abraxas’ awful Dragon Pox as well. My Lord has called a temporary break from Death Eater meetings to hold off further spread of the deadly disease. Abraxas is on death’s door, and Rafael is not far behind him. I do not particularly care for either, as they do not fully support the equality of the sexes, but I know they were two of my Lord’s original followers, and he will be bereaved to lose them.

The head house elf, a pathetic little hag of a creature called Ogden after its original master’s favourite tipple, has been assigned to the care of its quarantined master. I was aghast to find it in the kitchens this morning when I brought Merope down for breakfast. The insipid creature even dared to pass Merope her dropped spoon before I took it upon myself to rectify its behaviour. A few rounds of the Cruciatus curse should remind it not to interact with other members of the household while dealing with its sick master.

**February 3rd** **1974**

Abraxas passed last week, and Rafael followed this morning. My Lord is most grieved, and now our darling Merope has started to develop the same symptoms. Two of the younger house elves have taken charge of her care, as the head elf is in disgrace due to its callous mistake. My Lord and Rodolphus have spared no expense, paying for the best healer to assist. Their generosity has even extended to myself, paying for me to have the same expensive spell applied on my person to protect me from the pox so I can stay by my baby’s side. Her decline is far more rapid than we could have predicted. I stay up all hours just to watch her chest raise up and down. I cannot bear to look away for a moment for fear it will stop moving in my absence.

**February 14th** **1974**

Oh, Morgana and her magic help me, for I shall never be whole again! The terrible Dragon Pox which claimed Abraxas and Rafael has now taken my sweet little Merope! Oh, how I mourned Marvolo, but this loss is greater than I ever thought could be possible. I do not know how I will survive without her sweet smiles and giggles. My Lord has expressed great disappointment in the loss of our daughter, and has taken time from his busy schedule to come and comfort me in my darkest of hours. He soothes me with promises of finding a cure to the curse of death, so that I may never lose another I love again. He tells me he will provide me all the texts and supplies I require to continue my study into Unforgivables and other dark magics, if it gives me solace in my grief. He has even granted me free rein over the house elves to do as I wish. I think I will start with the wretched creature that spread the sickness from her master Rafael to Merope with her neglect.

**May 17th** **1974**

The only moments worth living are the darkest hours of night when I hear my children calling for me. No other sound can pull me from my sorrow.

**June 29th** **1974**

My generous Lord has brought Cissy to visit me in hopes of lifting my spirits. Cissy’s bony arms do not compare to those of my children, but they offer me a small comfort.

**July 5th** **1974**

Since Rafael passed, Rodolphus has become head of the Lestrange family, but his lack of interest in anything that doesn’t involve dark magic or cock has left the estate in disarray. His younger brother Rabastan is barely more than a child, so the responsibility of handling the accounts and household management has passed to me. Rodolphus barely passed his N.E.W.T.s, whereas I excelled in all my subjects, including those that were self taught. He surprisingly agrees that this makes me the ideal candidate for the de-facto head of house.

My Lord is most pleased with this new arrangement, and insists that Rodolphus passes all control of the Lestrange estate into my hands. Knowing that I am both a de-facto head of house and an heiress to my own estate, thanks to Delphinni, has brought me out of my deep depression. My heart still aches painfully for Merope, but I find solace in my new role.

Everyone insists she has left this world, yet I still feel her soft curls caressing my cheek at night. ****

**August 10th** **1974**

I hunted out the wretched house elf that caused my Merope’s death and dragged it kicking and screaming from its quarters. How dare it hide from me when its stupidity killed the Dark Lord’s only heir? I took great delight in torturing it over and over again, high on the power of watching its pain as I watched its limbs react to the curse in fascination. It’s eyes were bloodshot from the strain of my intrusive Occlumency as I addled its mind, and its limbs twitched with the tremors of residual dark magic. It was barely breathing towards the end, looking up at me with large pleading eyes.

My resolve began to waver as Andy chipped in beside me. “Bella, you know this is wrong. Taking your pain out on this elf won’t bring back Merope.”

“Shut up,” I hissed back at her. “What do you know of the pain of losing a child?”

Andy shook her head disappointedly at me.

“Leave me alone, you’re dead to me,” I growled at her, and continued pointing my wand at the elf.

Andy begged in her milk-sop voice, “Please, Bella.” 

For a brief moment, I was back at my parents house, playing with my sisters. I shrieked in frustration, tugging hard at my curls. I could feel my hands trembling as I lost myself in pain. Until the soft touch of a hand at my knee grounded me. I gazed down to see my sweet baby Merope looking up at me with her big bright eyes and perfect smile. “Pweese, Mama.”

I _destroyed_ the house elf.

**September 5th** **1974**

My Lord was most amused by the fate of the horrid house elf. He, too, is mourning the loss of Merope, although he is much quieter in his grief. He strokes my curls tenderly when I go to him, comforting me with the promise of more heirs in time, and I am grateful for such kind words.

He has given me a special task; now that I am in charge of the Lestrange vaults, he has requested I use them to hold a special item for him. I am honoured that he entrusts me with such an important task, one that only Abraxas has been asked to do so before me. He of course confides in me the great importance of such an item; I will not write it down for fear of prying eyes, and I am truly honoured.

He confesses he had hoped to make such items of value for our children, but they passed before they were old enough to partake in the ritual. I could not hide my tremble of emotion from his comment, but my Lord did not hold it against me, simply offering me his comfort.

We fucked hard, though my heart was not truly in it. My Lord truly worshipped my body, and I felt loved by his actions. I told him how I love him still, and he kissed me on the lips, an act he saves only for me. Alecto may boast how he chooses to indulge in such passions with herself and other Death Eaters, but it is only myself he takes such care of.

**October 19th** **1975**

After the death of the old house elf, its body was in no fit state to attempt any sort of experimentation on, so my Lord gifted me two more to use as I wish. He knows of my curiosity towards the applications of the Cruciatus curse and encourages me to expand my mind, as always. This time I had the hindsight to preserve the bodies in such a way they could be reanimated after death. I have developed my own spell to prevent the decay of a body especially for this use, and I am proud of my handiwork. After several weeks, the new bodies are still as fresh as the day I first killed them.

Andy watches in silence from the corner of my rooms, the same disapproving look upon her face as always.

I have successfully managed to animate all four limbs on both elves, and even restarted the one’s heart momentarily before I ran out of energy to sustain the curse. My Lord is most proud of my success and encourages my continuation of my experiments. I hope that, with practice, I can prevent any further loss of Pureblood lives.

**November 30th** **1975**

Cissy’s wedding has finally arrived. All these years of planning have finally come to fruition. The day was awfully tedious, but it was worth it to see dear Cissy finally marry the man she has waited nearly a decade for. Even if she did make me wear robes the same colour as that pompous fop’s eye colour.

**February 25th** **1976**

I received an unexpected visit from Hester today. I had been receiving sporadic correspondence from her since her marriage and subsequent move to Italy, but I had no idea of the extent of what misery her life had been until she appeared at my floo, bloodied and bruised. She stood before me trembling, a slight swell of her stomach announcing her pregnancy, begging me for sanctuary. Her husband, who had taken great liberties with her body from the start, now believed her pregnancy was the result of another Wizard and hexed her in a fit of paranoid jealousy. Fearing for her child’s life, she found herself with no other option but to escape her abuser and return to England. She did confess that she had first tried to go to Ina, as they were of course much closer, but Ina refused to help her in fear of the scandal that would follow for hosting a witch abandoning her marriage. She knew, however, I have no such foolish qualms regarding the supposed sanctity of marriage. I ushered her away to the guest suite, despite my Lord’s rage at the liberties I had taken by hosting someone who was not of our cause. He was most forgiving though, believing me when I told him I would get rid of such a liability as soon as possible, after only a couple of hexes from his wand.

**March 1st 1976**

Hester has been a great company these past few days, but we both know she cannot stay, despite my obliviating her memory of the Dark Lord’s presence. I fear that her experiences with her husband have condemned her from ever wishing to join our cause, which is a great shame, for I know it draws us to the end of our acquaintance.

She speaks of owning her own establishment, and being able to support herself and her unborn child. In her mind, I see visions of an old bar in Hogsmeade, which appears to currently be for sale. Delphinni talks to me, looking up from the tea she shares with us. “You have the means to make a change if you so wish,” she prompts me. Even Andy looks on approvingly from her silent stance in the far corner of the room. I smile in delight, and Hester looks on, confused. Of course, Delphinni’s inheritance is still sat unused, and I know this is the perfect use of her legacy.

**March 28th 1976**

Hester is now the proud owner of The Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Now she has the means to support herself and her unborn child without need of her estranged husband. My heart was filled with relief as I watched Hester sign the deed under her new assumed name of Rosmerta.

**May 4th** **1976**

I have received news from Hester of the safe arrival of a baby girl, whom she has named Pearl. I know that this will be our last correspondence, as our sides in the upcoming war have been firmly made, but I am glad for the confirmation of hers and the baby’s wellbeing.

**July 7th** **1976**

I dream of my children in the night, and I am awakened to the sound of them crying out for me. I race around the manor frantically searching for them but to no avail. My poor sweet babies must think I have abandoned them, for I cannot find them to soothe their tears. A house elf finds me tearing at my hair in my desperation after hours of searching. I break down, screaming at the vile little thing, lashing out at it with my wand until I feel its blood dripping down my cheekbones. Only then do I realise it is not Ogden.

It will be a great inconvenience to replace it.

**December 31st 1976**

Lucius and Cissy have been selected to host the Dark Lord’s birthday celebrations this year, and the event is held in all the grandeur expected from the Malfoys. Cissy appears to be in her element, playing the part of hostess that myself and Mother taught her well. With the Dark Lord busy in deep discussions with his followers, I found myself in the company of Isadora Rosier and Cecily Avery. Despite not yet taking the mark, the pair are considerably more enjoyable company than their brothers.

**February 3rd** **1977**

I am overwhelmed with joy to discover I am with child once more. My Lord is most pleased, though considerably more cautious this time around. I am to remain at home, out of harm’s way, in order to keep myself and the baby safe, now that the wretched Order is becoming more and more bold with their attacks.

**April 25th** **1977**

Cecily and Isadora have been coming around more often for drinks and strategising for the ongoing war. I have found myself growing tired of Alecto and her stupidity, and Cissy is too preoccupied with her attempts to provide Lucius with an heir to visit as much. Cecily and Isadora have been a welcome distraction, now that I am confined to the manor with my pregnancy. I long to be out doing my Lord’s work, but he insists I stay at home and keep his heir safe.

The two witches surprise me with confessing their greatest secret: that they are, in fact, lovers. Such things are taboo, but not unheard of within Wizarding society. But I of course do not judge, for love should be free in all forms.

**May 15th1977**

I am over halfway in my pregnancy, and I cannot help but be afraid, for I have not felt the babe quicken yet, unlike my first two pregnancies. I know of the curse of Pureblood mothers, my own mother spoke in hushed whispers of what her sister had gone through, but I hope upon my magic all is well.

My little Marvolo coos to me at night and raises my spirits, and Merope provides me with gentle kisses. I do not wish to bother my Lord, for he is busy in meetings with his Death Eaters over the troubles the wretched Order have been causing, but I do so wish he was with me.

In my darkest moments my sweet babies come and press their chubby hands upon my face in comfort. Oh, how I miss them both so. I have failed them as a mother by not keeping them safe, and I feel my mind has paid the price.

**June 3rd** **1977**

I have lost another of my dear babes! At only six months into my pregnancy, I was awoken to pains worse than the Cruciatus curse, and worse than my previous labours. Rodolphus came to my aid when he heard my screams, and he arrived in time to help me deliver my poor babe. A perfectly formed, beautiful boy, who had not been blessed with life in his tiny body. His beautiful miniature features will be ingrained inside my mind forever more. I could not recall much of anything afterwards, as I began to haemorrhage at an alarming rate, but Delphinni held my hand as my consciousness began to waver.

The next few days were spent in a state of delirium as the Healers fought for my life and my fever spiked. Delphinni visited me often during those days, sometimes with my sweet babies in tow. Dear, sweet Marvolo with his dark eyes, and my darling Merope with her wild curls. They came to me and babbled sweet coos of baby talk as Delphinni helped me hold them. My youngest babe was alive with them too, his eyes gazing up in wonder as his siblings and myself showered him with love. Oh my sweet darlings, I wish I could have kept you with me longer.

Had Rodolphus not thought to cast a freezing charm on me, I would have died. The Healer, with the help of my Lord, brought me back from the brink of death and nursed me back to health. I wish they had let me join my babies.

**December 31st 1977**

I managed to perform my role as host for my Lord and his followers for the usual celebrations this year, but I do not have it in me to enjoy it like I usually do. My Lord takes me to bed, fucking me hard while my mind drifts away. I can see Father glaring at me in disgust from across the room.

**February 12th 1978**

Oh, I beg for peace from the sound of my babies’ cries, for no matter how long I search, I cannot find them!

**March 16th** **1978**

Now that I am fully healed, and my mind calmed, the Dark Lord took me to join him on a raid. The newest recruits do so love dabbling in a sport they call “muggle baiting.” It seemed like an unnecessary excess of carnage, but I found myself with nothing to do now that I had tired of tormenting the house elves and had no babies to care for. I was unsure at first, especially when Macnair brought me a disgusting brute of a muggle and told me it was my turn. I screwed my nose up as the sickening creature was dripping its muddy blood all down himself. Someone in the line of work that Macnair was in may be used to getting their robes covered in Merlin knows what, but I am above such things. I swiftly executed him with the killing curse while my Lord watched on expectantly. I must confess it was not a completely unpleasant experience. I think the loss of my children has addled my so-called “feminine sensitivities,” for it was no more difficult than killing an unwanted pet or house elf.

I watched the filthy muggle’s corpse for a moment before an idea hit me. Without further pause, I sent my strongest cruciatus curse at the still lump, and just as I had always theorised, his fingers began to twitch independently of my curse. I tried again, stronger still, and this time his whole hand moved. It seems that it is possible that the stimulation of the nervous system through such pain can cause reanimation of the limbs. Maybe with further experimentation, I can discover a way of fully animating the body and restarting one’s heart and magical core.

I spoke with my Lord regarding my findings, and how our earlier theories could indeed be correct. He was most enthusiastic! My Lord is allowing me to continue coming to such raids in order to find muggle volunteers to perform my experiments on. Maybe with hard enough work, I will not lose another baby.

**May 25th** **1978**

Isadora writes to me in desperation, her parents have insisted on her marrying a Bulgarian wizard, and she will no longer be able to see Cecily. As a woman who vehemently opposes the idea of arranged marriages, I could not let this happen to two women I considered my friends.

With use of a vast amount of my inherited funds from Delphinni, I procured a false identity under the name of Isaiah Goldstein and some Polyjuice potion for Cecily. I also provided the pair with tickets for international floo travel and documentation for a new life in America. Substantial bribes have been provided to the right people within the M.A.C.U.S.A to keep the ruse going until both witches have successfully disappeared. At least in America, they will be free to be themselves.

**June 10th 1978**

The Averys and Rosiers are up in arms about the scandal of their runaway daughters, and spend the evening’s meeting fighting over the best way to retrieve them. I sit in silence, sipping my wine nonchalantly. My Lord eyes me with a small hint of amusement, and I suspect he knows exactly what I’ve done.

**August 30th** **1978**

The end of another school year brings forth a new crop of Death Eater recruits into our fray, which includes my dear little cousin Regulus. Lucius brings forth a slimy looking boy with lank black hair and a hooked nose. Apparently he is some sort of potions protegé. He has the misfortune of being born to a filthy muggle father, but my Lord is impressed with his skills. I have no real trust in this Severus Snape, but the Dark Lord believes he will be a great asset to our cause.

**September 28th 1978**

I have, at long last, received news that Isadora and Cecily are safe and happy in their new life. They thanked me for my help and wish me luck in my endeavours, for this is the last I will hear from them. The Averys and Rosiers have gone to pieces in search of their lost daughters, and the pair must be seen to have vanished completely.

Delphinni reads the letter over my shoulder and hums in quiet contentment.

**November 10th** **1978**

My Lord has retreated back into temporary hiding, following a brutal loss to the Order. He writes to me from a small coastal town from his childhood. Thankfully, despite the loss to our cause, the trip has been most productive for him. I man the recruits from his office at the manor, working through his paperwork and garnering support where I can. Lucius and Rodolphus have been sent to infiltrate the Ministry, using their charms to butter up the right people.

**January 15th** **1979**

Each filthy Mudblood they bring before me provides with me more information to work from. If only I had begun these final steps sooner, maybe I could have known how to save my babies.

I perform the Cruciatus over and over, bringing each subject to the brink of death and back several times, before their bodies give out for good. Andy and Delphinni stand beside me, Delphinni offering me blessed encouragement, where Andy offers only her judgement. Both argue loudly between them, making my mind race with their incessant chattering.

**March 14th** **1979**

I am filled with joy as my Lord returns from his stay at the coast. He speaks of his great triumph, a most secret task that he mentions to no one during the meal I host in honour of his return. Everyone is in great spirits, with the exception of Regulus, who is quieter than usual, even for him.

**April 26th** **1979**

I awake from dreams of blood, alone in my bed, the sensation of the viscous liquid still swimming over my skin. No amount of Scourgifying will ever free my skin from its stains. I Incendio my bed, for I cannot bear to look at the place I lost my youngest baby.

My only solace is in my experimentations on the Mudbloods and Blood-traitors I find. My pain becomes their pain as I unleash the madness within my mind. I have noticed my dear old wand has begun to twist and warp with my neverending use of dark magic, but it cannot be helped. Developing my theories on the Cruciatus is the only thing that provides me with comfort, for I no longer even find pleasure in the way my Lord fucks me anymore.

**June 23rd** **1979**

My babies continue to cry late into the night, their tiny hands reaching desperately for me. My youngest boy howls for hours with a pain I cannot soothe, no matter how I try. The guilt burns deep within my heart at the realisation that I never even got to name him. I think I would have called him Perseus4, so that a part of me will always remain close to Andy.

Perseus finally settles after this, and I fall asleep with my arms around my children, their soft breaths tickling my face and chest.

**July 31st** **1979**

Regulus has disappeared suddenly, leaving myself and the Dark Lord anxious at where he could have gone. My Lord’s frustration builds throughout the days as he summons Regulus over and over, to no avail. In my Lord’s paranoid fear, he sees enemies in every face and lashes out, sure of another betrayal from the Black family.

The force of his hand closing around my windpipe leaves me barely able to plead for forgiveness, but finally I am able to convince him, and he retreats. Regulus was one of his most loyal, and he knows he would never betray him.

Later, while I heal my tender neck, I ponder how the years have changed us both.

**November 22nd 1979**

Cissy visited me today with the most wonderful news, she is at long last with child! She and Lucius had tried with no success since their wedding, but with the help of Snape’s potion skills, they have finally conceived of an heir. I have no real like for the slimy boy, but I cannot fault his talents.

**December 17th** **1979**

My Lord has become increasingly more agitated recently, going off on missions unknown even to myself or Lucius. His paranoia has peaked, and he has enlisted a new spy that none of us are to speak the identity of. He spends an increasing amount of his time locked away within his study, ignoring me until he has the urge to fuck.

In his absence, my father’s visits have increased, his form lurking ominously in the corners of my rooms, unnerving me with his ever watchful presence. My nights are still spent searching for my children, my desperation increasing as I hope to find them before he does.

**February 21st 1980**

My desperation to perfect my methods has only intensified with the news of Cissy’s pregnancy. I practice whenever I am able between raids and captures. We have had few prisoners recently, but today I have been let loose with a Goblin who has double-crossed my Lord. As always, Andy and Delphinni appear beside me, arguing between themselves. I work long through the night, and the Goblin’s body does not yield to the Cruciatus in the way a human does. I begin to fatigue, my wand hand trembling in effort to sustain my curses. Andy and Delphinni still continue their chattering, the sound ringing within my ears. I scream at them to be quiet, pulling at my roots in my anguish for peace from their incessant bickering. Finally, I am met with silence as they disappear suddenly into the darkness, leaving me laughing to myself.

I hear my father whisper next to my ear, “Good girl.” I laugh and laugh until I cannot anymore.

**March 30th 1980**

I found Rodolpus entwined with a new man on the chaise lounge this morning. From a brief glance, it appears to be the son of the Minister’s secretary, Barty Crouch, which provides me with great amusement. I am glad to see he has a new hobby. 

**June 5th** **1980**

I received the owl alerting me to the imminent arrival of Cissy’s baby in the early hours of the morning, and I came to assist her with her delivery. A dread weighs heavily through my body, for the baby is a month early. My poor Cissy’s labour was gruellingly long, and Lucius paced agitatedly outside the room throughout, a behaviour that was extremely unorthodox for a Pureblood wizard, since most tend to make themselves scarce until their heir has arrived. I took some comfort in the knowledge that, as arrogant as he appears, Lucius does seem to behold Cissy with genuine affection.

My sister was weakened beyond exhaustion by the time the child arrived; a small child with pointed features and a mop of hair as shockingly white as his father’s. Cissy was scarcely strong enough to hold him, even with my help, but managed to kiss her babe before passing him into Lucius’s eager hands so the Medi-witch could heal her up. Lucius smiled proudly at her, kissing her clammy forehead lovingly and asked her what she would like to name their son. Cissy was unable to answer him at this point, her eyes becoming unfocused and her teeth chattering in shock.

I watched as Lucius tried to gain his wife’s attention, worry seeping into his voice as Cissy blinked at him, confused and unresponsive, while the Healer rushed to her side.

“Mrs. Malfoy appears to be going into shock,” the old witch replied, her voice remaining calm enough to steady any of my growing concerns. 

I looked at Lucius, who was pale with worry, clutching onto his child like a precious treasure. “Draco,” I told him, offering a source of distraction to the wizard, an action Cissy would be most proud of, since she knows I have little care for such things. He looked at me confused, and I was left to explain, “She has always wanted to call her first born son Draco, ever since she first found the constellation.”

Lucius nodded. “Draco it is then.” He cooed lovingly at the little boy, and I felt my heart clench in grief at my own empty arms. The Medi-witch interrupted the moment, ushering Lucius out of the room while the Healer tried to stabilize Cissy. I set myself at Cissy’s side, holding her hand as I felt her pulse weaken within my grasp. Delphinni called my name from the other side of Cissy’s bed. “You know she’s not going to make it, Bella,” she told me sadly as I watched Cissy’s eyes glaze over, her pulse slipping away beneath my fingertips. I called Cissy’s name out in desperation, only to be met with silence as her life force crept away from me, the sounds of the Healer’s words lost to my ears.

“You know what you need to do, Bella.” Delphinni urged. 

“But what if it doesn’t work, I cannot risk the life of my sister?” I pondered out loud.

“She’s already gone,” Delphinni replied, her voice barely audible over the alarms going off around me, signalling Cissy’s death. I watched in horror as the Medi-witch looked down, solemnly shaking her head as she turned away. “This is your only chance, only you can save her,” Delphinni urged once more. I tightened my stance, my hands trembling as I lifted my wand. I had to do this. My first attempt was weak, not doing anything but alerting the Medi-witch and Healer to my actions.

“What are you doing?” the Healer screamed as I held them both off, performing the curse again with more ferocity on my sister’s body. Another Medi-witch came in, alerted by the chaos in the room, but I ignored them all, putting the last of my energies into one final Crucio.

Time stood still as the only sound that filled the room was Cissy’s gasps of air while her heart came back to life.

I broke down, releasing great sobs of relief that wrenched through my body while Delphinni placed her hand on my shoulder. “I knew you could do it,” she whispered before walking out of the still stunned room. 

**June 19th 1980**

My relief of my success with reviving Cissy was short-lived, as Severus Snape has come to my Lord with the most troubling of news. He speaks of a prophecy that predicts the downfall of the Dark Lord by a child. 

I am torn between my heartbreak at the possibility of losing my beloved Lord, and the audacity of someone to suggest that the greatest wizard of our time could be defeated by a mere child! 

I cannot breathe at the thought of losing yet another that I love; my only solace is my hope that after saving Cissy, should the worst befall my Lord, I could save him, too. 

**August 27th 1980**

When Draco is not quite three months old, Cissy is finally recovered enough to receive visitors. Myself and Rodolphus visit first, with Rabastan in tow.

I get Draco to myself for a while, enjoying a brief moment to take in his sweet newborn smell and coo at my tiny nephew. Merope reaches curiously for her cousin, and I show him to her and her brothers. 

“This is Draco,” I tell them. “And we will teach him everything he needs to know in order to serve his Lord.” Little Draco looks between me and his cousins, his tiny mouth turning into the beginnings of a smile. 

**September 22nd** **1980**

A young girl is brought before us today, half dressed and barely recognisable through her injuries. I assume that Avery and Mcnair had their fun before bringing her to be interrogated by the Dark Lord. My Lord searches her mind for information regarding the Order, but the girl, apparently a Mckinnon, knows nothing of note, rendering her useless. Her name brings back memories of a conversation I had with Andy, which irks me greatly. People like this impure witch stole my sister away from me. I relish in performing the Cruciatus curse on her, even if it does not reveal any Obliviated memories. By the time I am finished, my Lord barely needs to lift a finger to end her worthless life.

**October 13th 1980**

Today’s meeting confirmed the identity of Rodolphus’s newest lover as Barty Crouch, Jr. He took the mark with little more than a flicker in his persistent smirk. I was impressed by his enthusiasm, something I’m sure Rodolphus enjoys as well. 

**January 2nd 1981**

My Lord has requested I turn my attentions to developing dark curses that can destroy an enemy in ways that cannot be rectified by even my methods of resurrection.

One of my Lord’s longer serving followers, Antonin Dolohov, has an enthusiasm for experimental spells that I hold in reluctant admiration, despite his barbaric social manners. He has become a useful help in my development process and a good student. My newest invention, a pretty purple curse that liquefies one’s organs, fascinated Dolohov, and he begged me to teach him. With my Lord’s approval, I taught him the new curse; I hope he uses it well.

**February 1st** **1981**

Desperation has begun to twist my Lord into a shadow of his former glory. He is at his wits end at the search to discover the child that will be his undoing, before they get the chance to do so. I am tasked with going through each and every witch and wizard who have possibly betrayed him, and check to see if they have recently birthed a child. I go through each piece of parchment with a fine-toothed comb, hunting for even the most marginal of clues. 

Andy keeps visiting me during these late nights, scowling at my work in judgement. “How can you follow such a wizard when he wishes harm on an innocent baby?” Andy questions me over and over, hovering by my shoulder as I tug at my curls in frustration.

“How can you follow a Mudblood away from me and Cissy?” I snarl in response. I scream at the mountains of parchment covering the room in disarray, as we argue into the late nights. Why must she torment me so?

**April 21st 1981**

A modicum of success has been achieved; with the recruitment of the new spy, we have been able to infiltrate the safehouse of two of the key members of the Order. The Prewett twins, who have been an irritant since I first met them at Hogwarts, have been successfully slaughtered by Dolohov.

He came to report of his achievement to My Lord, while looking at me with a disgusting amount of lust in his eyes. My Lord noticed, and took it in good humour, jesting that I should take my fun if I so pleased. Dolohov’s flagrant disregard of my person appals me, and I could not think of a more abhorrent idea.

**July 17th** **1981**

My babies still fill the manor with their cries for me, yet I am still unable to find them. Their sweet voices haunt me in a manner that makes my mind crawl with an itch that cannot be settled. I long for their company, for their soft kisses and chubby arms to comfort me. Guilt over not being able to soothe their persistent tears breaks my heart, and my constant tears have dried up my soul. Loneliness has embedded itself within me like a disease, and Andy and Delphinni no longer visit me to the extent they used to. Only Father comes now regularly, always silent, always watching me.

Raids have become a cathartic hobby for me recently, providing me the only relief from my anguish. My growing need to conceive a new heir gnaws at my gut, twisting my insides with a sharp pain that cannot be quelled. My Lord is insistent with his new plans for another child, but I have not been as successful as I was in my younger years, and I fear he will look towards another for this task. Maybe I will approach Snape and ask for the potion that helped Cissy.

**August 25th 1981**

The search for the prophesied chosen one continues, and I suspect I have narrowed it down between two baby boys that were born last year to the Potters and the Longbottoms. My hands shake from nerves and the residual tremors from my Lord’s impressive Cruciatus curse. My Lord’s panic has led him to desperate measures for his answers, and I fear he has even begun to look in Draco’s way.

Andy stands next to me, her face painted in a permanent scowl of anger, as I stare blankly between the two identical reports, twirling my wand indecisively.

“How can you call yourself a mother when you chose to condemn a child so?” she yells at me, her hot breath burning against my ear. I break, screaming at her in my anger, sending curse after curse in her direction. The house elves run around in panicked confusion at the commotion, trying to spare precious Lestrange family relics as Andy disappears in the chaos. How dare she? I detest her and her betrayal. She knows nothing, as she just hides away in safety with her child, while Cissy and I fight for the future of ours.

I choose one of the two boys at random. He will do; better him than Draco. It serves the father right for breeding with a filthy Mudblood.

Andy didn’t return again.

**September 2nd** **1981**

Delphinni came to visit me, to my relief. It has been too long since I last saw her, and I have missed her firm belief in me. The elves bring tea and scones and, for once, I feel a sense of normality while we discuss the latest developments. However, I cannot help but feel as though this is simply the calm before the storm. I notice she doesn’t touch her tea, and I wonder why.

**October 31st 1981**

They came to me with news that my Lord is dead. I cannot breathe. My mind whirls as the world loses focus and my breaths become tight. It cannot be true, I refuse it. Merlin, help me, for I am at loss at what to do!

**November 4th 1981**

I have yet to locate my Lord, and I find myself beside myself with anxiety. I have barely slept in my desperate search for his body, for if I could only just find him, I could bring him back to life like I did with Cissy. I wring my hands and tug at my roots, pacing at the floor as I plead with Rodolphus to help me, but he cannot offer me any clue as to what the Order may have done with his body. Delphinni offers little comfort, suggesting possible Order members that could know, but her words come out far too fast for me to comprehend, and I cannot help but scream, throwing curses in her direction as her words continue faster and faster, never ceasing, no matter how much I beg.

Suddenly, Rodolphus is upon me, grabbing my hands tightly so as to restrain me. “Stop it Bella, you know they aren’t real. It’s all in your head.”

I look at him in horror. How dare he speak to me in such a way. How dare he say it is all in my head, when she is right here with us!

“Shut up you insipid being, and just help me! I can bring him back, you know I can, we must go and find the Dark Lord before it’s too late!” I beg and plead and then Crucio him until he gives in, dragging Barty and Rabastan along as we head to the Longbottom’s in search of the Dark Lord. 

**November 5th** **1981**

We take turns torturing the Longbottoms for information in the hope of finding the Dark Lord, but to no avail. The witch’s screams echo loudly through the house as I begin to dissect tiny bones from her fingers, loud enough to break the Silencio around the room. A shrill crying noise could be heard faintly from another room, and the witch’s face paled with fear.

Barty licked his lips in excitement at her fear. “Let’s see what other delights we have within these walls, then.” He smirked and left the room to follow the sounds. Those sounds, the sounds that haunt me each night, those desperate wails of need for a mother’s love.

He reappeared grasping a wailing baby with dark curls, and my breath caught in my throat. My baby was found at long last. Barty sneered. “Shall I see how eager she is to hide her secrets once I slice open her little brat’s belly?” 

I screamed alongside the witch, snatching my baby from his arms. “How dare you threaten my Lord’s heir so!” I snarled at him, sending a stunning spell that threw him against the wall. Rodolphus and Rabastan stared at me in confusion, but I cared not for them in that moment.

I cradled my blessed baby boy, cooing softly against his cheek to sooth away his fears. “Hush now, my Marvolo, Mummy’s here now.” He clutched my hair with his chubby fists, but something wasn’t quite right. I turned towards the witch who lay trembling at my feet, my wand pressed menacingly at her throat, while Marvolo still cried. “Where are my other babies?” I demanded to know.

“What babies?” she stammered. “Please don’t hurt him.”

What fool, why would I hurt my beloved Marvolo? I asked her again, and she still refused to tell me where Merope and Perseus were hidden. I Crucioed her and the wizard over and over, until their ears began to bleed with the force, but still I could not bring forth any memories of where my loved ones could be. In the end, they were nothing more than drooling dolls, and I broke down crying at the loss of my dear sweet babies and their father.

Marvolo kept crying, mourning with me too, as I rocked him in my arms, softly singing the lullabies I used to sing all those years ago.

**Author's Note:**

> 1 Quote by Mary Shelly  
> 2 These were the words Mary Shelley used to describe the first time she and Percy had sex.  
> 3 Gu is a venomous slow-working poison that takes up to two weeks to work. Although more of a myth than a real poison, it originates from Chinese culture.  
> 4 Perseus is one of the neighboring constellations of Andromeda. 
> 
> Bella’s story is based on the tragic life of Mary Shelley and her relationship with Percy Shelley (with some embellishments to fit Bella and Voldy’s lives). Mary’s parents were well-known Philosophers in their time, something that drew Percy to her, and I feel like she was more of a trophy for him than someone he really loved. Mary Shelley really went through all of these horrific things, including the loss of her children, something which haunted her for the rest of her life. This was something that also prompted her to write Frankenstein, which she used to deal with her guilt on not being able to do more to prevent her children’s deaths. 
> 
> Mary was heavily influenced by her mother, Mary Wollstonecraft, who died only a few days after having her. Wollstonecraft was an amazing woman, who even opened a school in order to teach young women the basics they needed to become independent of men. Something she felt strongly about after seeing her own sister going through domestic abuse, and struggling to get her away. I heavily based Professor Minns of her. I also based her on one of my childhood friends, who holds a doctorate in science and is one of the most kick-ass women I know.


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